The Preacher’s Kid Has a Diary (1)
10:18am Sunday 3rd Dec 2023
I’m currently outside the church. It’s not what you think, I’m just exhausted from the long day I had yesterday. Now you are wondering how that relates to the title of this article, but I promise you I’m going somewhere.
There is a young lady here whose face has weirdly been colliding with mine for a few Sundays now and I have plans to go talk to her after today’s service.
If you are a preacher’s kid, you probably already know how this title can stifle your true personality. For a large part of my formative years, I found it hard to live on my terms. My parents never failed to remind me that my life was an open book that people were reading from and I had to put on my best act. I never knew how much these stifled my personality until now.
For all the times I tried to be me I was cautioned to compose myself and that I did. For the times I make an effort to read Bible verses in church, I got that eye contact that speaks louder than words.
Again I am a preacher’s kid and people must see me participate in church. Participate here means being up and doing when it comes to church activities.
I almost didn’t know how to live. I had to live through the lens of caution without having the freedom to be me. I didn’t know who I was or which activity I truly enjoyed. Spiritual activity seemed boring but I tried to enjoy it. To be fair, some days, I felt the thrill but they were just that, thrills. Nothing more. They never lasted not like they were meant to anyway.
I was that child who tried to pay keen attention in children’s classes but always lost focus.
People keep going on about how Pastors feed on the church tithe, which I find ridiculous by the way, because often that isn’t the case, but no one talks about how helpless the preacher’s kids feel when some church members are giving your parents tough times, but you can’t do anything. It’s not your fight. Your parents on the other hand have left the fight in God’s hands. Or should I tell you how hard it is to be cozy in church with that brother or sister that you heard your parents discuss last night was giving them a tough time?
Wait a minute. Does this explain why they sometimes didn’t have enough time to cater to their seeds’ emotional needs because they sincerely were going through a lot?
I should tell you about the times I wanted to attend church with my parents because I knew they were going to arrive home late. There were times when we eventually couldn’t convince them to allow us to go with them because they had tons of meetings to attend and they couldn’t afford to take us around, and we slept off after tiring of awaiting their return from church. We only knew they returned home the night before when we woke at midnight and sneaked up to their room to see them fast asleep.
There is also the children’s teacher who believes you should know the Bible from cover to cover. Sorry sir/ma, our house is not a Bible school. It’s a family house just like yours that consists of Father, Mother, and children. Yeah, there is the compulsory morning devotion that you are sometimes not interested in but you have to show up.
Mummy K, you called me almost every Sunday at the children’s church to teach Sunday school. It felt good. I liked the attention. The teasing. But I never mentioned that after every class I always felt empty and tired. You presumed I was constantly refilling but I wasn’t. I had no solid knowledge of what I was doing but everyone assumed that since I was the preacher’s kid, I should know better. The attention was good, but it always never ended well. It was crippling.
Mummy, for the baggy suits I had to wear because a Preacher’s kid shouldn’t wear “fitted” or because the clothes were fitted in your eyes, I have nothing to say than you did your best.
The struggle with familiarity. Whoever said a priest isn’t honored in his house didn’t lie. There is a temptation to see the preacher finish since you are his kid. Let me tell you of that one time we went for digging deep and after the Preacher(my Father) taught on the baptism of the holy spirit, we went in for a practical session but I didn’t get anything because it was seemingly hard to push pass the thoughts of “is it not Daddy?”
I see you rolling your eyes. Why? I haven’t mentioned the pretty privileges. That’s because the responsibility the title comes with outweighs the privileges. But then, I acknowledge the big coolers that came home with the preacher after church meetings. The honorariums that meant we were finally going to cook better. Oh the days of little beginning, but we thank God for now. The preferential treatment but after this often came tasks bigger than your shoes.
Let’s talk about the part about being deeply conservative. Anything secular was termed sinful. You were boxed.
There is also the part of sharing what is supposed to be your family time with church members because the preacher also had to cater to the needs of the flock. But now, it doesn’t bother you. You are now at that age where you are slowly detaching from your parents and so you couldn’t care less if they spent their whole time in the church or not as far they were doing fine, you are good.
For some of the preacher’s kids, they found God by themselves on the way. Some played the game until they finally won and knew God for themselves. Some left the faith after playing the game and the many dribbles never led to a goal. They got tired. Sad but it happened. They tried to keep up but it was never going to last long, because it couldn’t be faked. Hopefully, they return.
One time in church some persons tried to evade a particular task we were given and when I said that I could have abandoned the task too but I chose not to, they tried to play the Preacher’s kid’s card on me. There and then I gave my rebuttal. At the end of the day, the title behind the “kid” is what it is, a title. In the end, I’m just a normal kid as you are. Don’t place me on a pedestal I didn’t ask to be placed on.
Hey, Preacher’s kid, I hope you feel seen. Rooting for you.
XXX
Glossary
Preacher’s Kid — Children of Pastors/Ministers
Mummy K — Fictional Character
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